


Of Love and Transformation

by juliesioux



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Canon Related, Dream Sex, F/M, Love, Post Episode 623, Soulmates, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 18:23:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14721246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juliesioux/pseuds/juliesioux
Summary: I wrote this really quickly after S06E23. I started thinking about the anger Felicity must be feeling about the way Oliver's decisions have once again tore her world apart. The show might never give us her POV on this so I needed to write it.She deserves the opportunity to tell him exactly how she feels and why. I also believe strongly that Felicity would never leave Oliver, even after this, and I needed to explore a bit of why that is and how she would navigate her new world.But this is Felicity Smoak, so you know she would be trying to figure out how to get him out of jail no matter what. Diggle is there to support her but she is rightfully angry with him as well and while I don't explore that in detail, the way they are with each other is true to their relationship on the show as it ended.I hope I got things somewhat right! Enjoy!





	Of Love and Transformation

_**The Universe stood still** _

_**And waited** _

_**For her to exhale.** _

 

Felicity stood completely still in the centre of the bedroom she shared with Oliver. She looked at the crumpled bed sheets, the duvet hanging off the end of the bed, and the pillows pushed off to the side, leaving the bed looking like they had both had nightmares during the night before. His pants and shirt lay in a heap at the end of the bed where he had discarded them in a heated rush and her dress was lost somewhere under the covers or bed. She had no inclination to locate it or see it ever again.

Only twelve hours earlier, she had straddled his lap and leaned back as he knelt in the centre of the bed, allowing him to use the strength in his arms to hold her up. They had slowly, sinuously thrust and ground against each other, falling into perfect sync as the energy and passion between them built to an explosive finish after what felt like hours. She had been covered in sweat and blissfully in love with her life and Oliver.

There was no escaping the memories in this room. They clung to the walls like ghosts, just slightly out of focus as they drifted past. She felt them closing in, fingers of icy cold brushed past her heart, freezing her in place. For a moment, she couldn’t breathe. Tears spilled down her cheeks and the world began to spin.

If Oliver had been with her, he would have called to her, pulled her attention back to him and got her breathing again. But he wasn’t here. He was in a Supermax so far out of reach, she had no idea when she was going to see him again. At least not yet. She would find out when but right now, she couldn’t focus on anything other than finding her next breath.

Her greatest fear had come to pass. She had lost him and all because he had done the one thing, the only thing, he knew how to do when cornered: he sacrificed himself to save them all. Without consulting her, without bringing her into his decision making. He had simply done it on his own, not once taking into account the impact on her life. On William’s life. He had acted like the man who still lived on Lian Yu. Alone, emotionally isolated and determined to protect those he loved at all costs.

Slowly, inch by inch, the room turned from colour to shades of grey. She watched it bleed light and love until it was the colour of ash. If she touched anything, she worried she would destroy it all, bringing her world down in a soundless crash. With trembling hands, she undid her jacket and slipped it off, placing it carefully on a hanger and hanging it up in their closet.

She ran her hands over his selection of Henleys and jackets. On a whim, she undressed and slipped on one of his shirts. It smelled like him. The entire room smelled like him: woodsy, organic, and masculine. Reaching for the wall to steady herself, she sank to the floor and wept. Her chest felt compressed, the weight of her new reality began to press in on her from all sides. There was no escape from the prison Oliver had placed her in. At least not one she could see yet.

After a few minutes, a soft knock came at the door.

“Felicity?” came Diggle’s soft baritone voice, “Do you need me?”  
“I’m ok, John,” she said, her voice worn thin from sorrow, “I’ll only be a few minutes.”  
“Take your time. No one is going to get in while we are here,” he gently reassured her before walking away to give her privacy.

Protective custody. Oliver and John had decided her fate and stripped her freedom from her without so much as a word of warning. She could feel something beginning to build down low in her body, something ferocious and full of rage. Without her knowledge, he had given up his freedom so that everyone else could be protected from prosecution but in the end had placed her in a prison to match his own.

Now, she had to pack her life away into two suitcases and she had no idea where to start or what to pack. Should she bother with the dresses and heels? Or should she just pack the casual clothes? Where were they taking her and William? To the same location? What about the pictures she had framed all around the apartment? Could she take them?

She felt lightheaded and realized she wasn’t breathing. Her heart was pounding, hard and fast, and a wail of frustration was building, threatening to race out of her body and into the world. Containing it was getting harder and harder as the minutes ticked by. It was a living, breathing thing taking up space within her heart and mind.

 _One day at a time_ , she thought to herself, _I can’t look forward beyond today. I have to think of tomorrow. Of William. I can’t let this out._

Taking a deep breath and holding it, she calmed herself, brought the frenetic, angry energy to heel and focused on the task in front of her. She needed to pack her life away and leave her home for exile. An exile imposed upon her by her husband. Clenching her fists, she brought her anger back in, struggling to collect it as the atoms of it all escaped her thinning skin.

The next twenty minutes felt like hours. She folded and refolded her clothes. Emptied her makeup drawers into a bag without bothering to organize them, filled another softsided gym bag with shoes. Then carefully wrapped all the pictures on their dressers and placed them in the centre of a pile of sweaters she was taking with her. On a whim, she packed the green knit blanket from their bed and the clothes Oliver had been wearing their last night together.

Slipping on a pair of jeans and her runners, she pulled his green zip up hoodie over his Henley and got ready to leave her home. She might never make it back here, so she made sure to gather up certain items for the ARGUS team to pick up after she left. Pausing, she looked at Oliver’s closet and on instinct, she gathered up some of his clean clothes and packed them into an already over packed suitcase. She put a pair of his shoes in with hers, turned out the lights and quietly closed the door behind her.

“Diggle?” she called quietly, “It’s time.”  
“Ok, let me grab those for you,” he said, trying to be helpful, his body language betraying his nervousness, “You packed a lot.”  
“Well, since you and Oliver have decided my future without consulting me, I felt I needed to pack for all possible outcomes,” her voice sounded tinny and clipped to her ears, “I need to get my tablets and phone.”

Turning on her heel, she made her way to the small office space she had created for herself next to the kitchen. All of her tech was there, but what she was doing was trying not to lose her cool with Diggle. She needed to get through this moment and walk through the next so that she could make it to tomorrow. The sorrow and anguish of losing everything had to wait.

“Where is William?” she asked. The tension in the room was thick. It coated the walls and clung to her skin. Breaking it was something she felt obligated to do.  
“He didn’t want you to feel rushed, so he is already at the safe house,” Diggle said carefully.  
“Is he feeling ok?”  
“I think he’s in shock. He is shutting down, Felicity, like you are,” Diggle said directly, crossing his arms as he watched her try and fit all her tech and cords into her purse.  
“I’m not shutting down, John, I am trying not to explode,” she said with heat and steel in her voice in equal measure.

Diggle remained silent and observed her. She met his gaze and refused to blink. What was happening right now was beyond unacceptable and she was angry. In the days to come, she and her friend would have a number of things to discuss but now she needed to leave before it was impossible for her step outside the home she was had been making with the man she loved more than she had the words to describe and the son they were both discovering.

“Will ARGUS pick up the things in my bedroom that I couldn’t pack?” she asked.  
“Yes, we have a team come in and clean all of this up,” he said, gesturing to the general mayhem of the apartment.  
“I hate this, John,” she said, her voice crackling like lava over dry land.  
“I know, Felicity. I’m sorry.”

She felt like she was strangling. Tilting her head back, she took large gulps of air trying to bring her world back under control. The room was spinning out of control and so was she. John had participated in Oliver’s unilateral decision to banish her from her life. Her home. Her team. He had kept the secret from her just like Oliver did and the unfairness of it was grinding her heart to dust.

“Ok, let’s go,” she said sharply, “Otherwise, you will be leaving alone. Although I am guessing an armed guard would appear to escort me out.”  
“Felicity…,” he started but stopped when she pinned him with her stare.  
“No, John, I am very aware of what my actual freedom is here. I am very aware that I have none and that I have no say in what’s happening. We will talk about it but not right now. I am far too angry, John,” she said, picking up the bag that contained her tech and the one that held Oliver’s clothes and hers.  
“Ok,” he said, “My agents can lock the doors.”

Not trusting her voice, Felicity nodded and moved to follow him out the door. Just as she got to the threshold, she paused. This was it. This was the moment when her life would change forever because of a decision made without her participation or knowledge. Her hands were shaking and that pressure, the one on her chest that felt like it was going to crush her from the inside out, was back. She gripped the door jam and breathed through the panic, the sorrow and hurt.

“Felicity?” Diggle said, concern colouring his voice as he reached for her.  
“Don’t,” she said sharply, “Please, just, don’t. Not now.”  
“Ok,” he said, backing off.  
“I need to know one thing, John,” she said through clenched teeth, “I need to know if I will ever see my husband again.”  
“You will. And soon,” he said quietly.  
“Ok...ok,” she said, taking a deep breath and stepping over the threshold.

And it was like the air in the building rushed past her and out of the building. Every step she made sounded like a gunshot in the quiet hallway. In her heart, she knew this was the last time she would be here. Even if the apartment still stood when all this came to an end, she knew that it was no longer their home. Blinking back tears, she followed John onto the waiting elevator and huddled into the corner.

“It will get easier, Felicity,” he said, not turning towards her, “It will just take time.”  
“It would appear I have plenty of that.”

Diggle fell silent and kept his eyes straight ahead. She was angry at and with her friend. He had colluded in this and her heart was breaking under the strain of the betrayal. She composed herself and counted the floors as they ticked past. She could hear the whir and tick of the machinery that surrounded them and the way Diggle was shifting from side to side. She felt relief when the doors opened and they exited the elevator to the waiting van at the entrance.

“Where are you taking me?” she asked, defeated and weary of trying to keep her heart in one piece.  
“I can’t tell you that, Felicity,” Diggle said sadly.  
“Of course not,” she said, “I am to be kept in the dark until the very end.”

She sat back in her seat and closed her eyes. She had no interest in trying to see through the darkened windows or in pretending to make small talk with John. She had a feeling they were headed out of town but needed to retreat inward, where she could find space to simply be alone with her thoughts.

She drifted off into a fitful sleep, her body curled away from the ARGUS agents around her. John sat beside her, a mere few inches of space between them, but he may as well of been on another planet. Felicity had never felt so alone, not even after her father disappeared from her life the first time. This was different. This was an aloneness that emptied her heart.

_Felicity felt a soft breeze brush past her face. It carried the soft scent of lilacs, roses and the sweet scent of rain. She opened her eyes to see a meadow, drenched in sunlight and covered with flowers and tall prairie grass. It was vibrantly alive and so colourful it made her dizzy. There were songbirds somewhere in the distance and she smiled up into the sun. This is what freedom felt like to her, that boundlessness where she could see in all directions and the sun was out and warm on her face._

_With her gaze level with the horizon, she searched for Oliver. He had to be here somewhere, there was no purpose to being free without him by her side. There was no reason to be here, in this beautiful place unless they were together. Shading her eyes, she scanned the expanse of the meadow but all she could see was endless colour and light, so much light._

_He was nowhere to be seen. She called out for him but only the sound of songbirds came back to her. Slowly, the light began to dim and the flowers lost their vibrancy. The world around her became brittle and crumbled to dust. There was nothing for her here, nothing but sorrow and isolation. Through tears, she sat down, gripped the earth beneath her and watched her world float away._

“Felicity, hey, time to wake up,” Diggle’s voice pushed through her dream and woke her up.  
“Ok, I’m awake,” she mumbled, shifting in her seat.  
“My men will carry all your bags up,” he said as he got out of the van, “I’ll take you up.”  
“Fine,” was all she said as she exited the vehicle, noting that it was now dark out.

With her shoulders square, Felicity followed Diggle into a nondescript building. She didn’t care where she was, she wanted to get in, check on William and then go to bed. The day had been long, exhausting and she was struggling to feel anything other than rage. Pulling Oliver’s jacket tighter around her, she got in the waiting elevator and pressed herself into the back of it, trying to get as much space between her and John as she possibly could.

“When can I go see Oliver?” she asked.  
“Soon,” he answered.  
“Soon isn’t an answer, John.”  
“I can’t offer you anything better than that, Felicity, not yet.”

The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened. There were ARGUS agents moving in and out of apartments all the way down the hall. She could only surmise that every apartment in the building was in some way inhabited by agents or were staged to look lived in to escape scrutiny. There was only one apartment in the building that mattered and it was the one whose door remained steadfastly closed.

“Come on,” Diggle said softly, “Let’s get you settled.”  
“Lead the way,” she sighed, following him out of the elevator and down the hall to a door that looked and moved like it was made of reinforced steel.

She crossed the threshold and entered a fortress that had been created for her and William by a federal agency at the request of her husband. The windows weren’t reflective and the walls were absorbing all sound. Absently, she wondered if she could scream at the top of her lungs without drawing any attention.

“Where’s William?” she asked as she wandered the edges of the livingroom.  
“He’s staying with Raisa tonight, just down the hall. He wanted you to have space tonight,” Diggle answered, watching her as she prowled her new space.  
“When can I see Oliver?”  
“Felicity…”  
“No, John, go and find out and then come back. Don’t come back until you do,” she said forcefully.  
“It doesn’t work that way with a Supermax,” he said patiently, “Lyla is doing what she can but it is going to take time.”  
“Don’t...don’t talk to me about time when my husband, your brother, gave up his freedom for us both,” she all but spat the words at him.  
“I know you are angry, Felicity, I get that,” he started but he waved him off.  
“I’m tired, John. Can I get my bags now? I would like to go to sleep.”

He nodded and left the apartment in search of her luggage. In the sudden quiet, she felt cracks in the armour she had cloaked herself in begin to form. All she wanted to do was curl up in her bed and sleep until this nightmare was over but she was now the sole parent to a child that wasn’t her own. He needed her now even though she wasn’t sure she had the strength to be the person he deserved.

Silently, John came in with her luggage and took it back to her room, one she had yet to see. Even here, in this soundless place, her privacy was an illusion. Instead of following him, she waited. She would discover the corners and shadows of her cell later, when Diggle was gone and she was alone.

“Tomorrow. 10 am. Can you be ready by then?” he asked.  
“For what?” she asked, confused by his question.  
“I can get you in to see him for 10 minutes.”  
“I’ll be ready,” was all she said.

Once Diggle left, she sank to the floor, buried her face in her hands and wept, silently screaming out the pain of her isolation, of missing Oliver, of being taken from her home. Curling into a tight ball, Felicity cried, trying hard not to make any noise so as not to awaken William from wherever he was sleeping in this foreign place. She held onto herself, trying to keep herself from letting go of the skin of the earth.

“Hey, come on, Felicity, come on,” Diggle’s voice pushed through the fog she was lost in, “Take a deep breath.”

She clung onto him, accepting the mercy of his strength in that moment. They sat in silence on the floor, Diggle had wrapped one arm around her and was gently rubbing her arm in an attempt to calm her down. Her heart felt heavy and she mourned for the loss of the trust that they had once shared as friends.

“I’m sorry, Felicity,” he said gently.  
“I know, John,” she sighed wearily, “How did you know to come back in?”  
“I forgot my helmet on the hallway table,” he said with a small smile.  
“Just my luck,” she chuckled without much joy.  
“We’ll figure this out, I promise, Felicity.”  
“Maybe. But I am going to be angry with you for a while.”  
“I have no doubt about that.”  
“You should get going. I need to try and sleep,” she said, rising to her feet.  
“Ok. Anything you need, you tell me,” he said on his way to the door, “I’ll be here at 10 am.”

She waited until the door closed before moving to turn off the lights. Diggle had left a light on in her room at the far end of the hall so she could find her way. Reluctantly, she made her way to it and pushed the door open. It wasn’t a large room but it held a king sized bed, a small sofa, dresser, tv and off to the side she saw a door leading to an en suite bathroom and one to what was most likely a walk in closet.

It wasn’t without its charm but it wasn’t home. She opened one suitcase and dug out the blanket she had packed. She would put away her clothes tomorrow, tonight she was exhausted and wanted to sleep with him surrounding her in some way. She took off her jeans but left his shirt and sweatshirt on. If nothing else, his clothes and their blanket would have to do.

 

II

The sun had yet to rise when Felicity woke up from a deep, dreamless sleep. She listened to the new apartment, trying to figure out the sounds and what they possibly could be. Sitting up, she stretched her legs and looked around, searching for something of his, of theirs, something to remind her of who they were and not the circumstances she found herself now in.

With a deep sigh, she got up and went in search of the shower. She felt sweaty, grimy and wanted to scrape the last two days off of her skin. There was no rush, she had hours to go before John came to collect her, but she wanted to be ready. It didn’t surprise her that they had stashed them close to Oliver but it still stung to be in this strange place.

The early morning went by in a blink. She got ready for wherever it was Diggle was going to take her and put away some of her clothes. When she got to the pictures, she stopped and sat down on the edge of the giant bed. She had packed everyone she could find. Their wedding pictures, one of their small, cobbled together family, pictures from their time in Bali, Positano and the Southwest.

She blinked away tears and set them out on the dresser. She loved every single one of them and the happiness they contained. Clenching her fists, she got up and went out to explore the apartment and see what the kitchen held. She hoped, if nothing else, it had coffee and bagels hidden somewhere in the fridge and she was not disappointed. The kitchen was fully stocked with already prepared meals and snacks.

Without Oliver there to cook, she was glad for the meals but even happier for the coffee. She was working on her third cup when there was a soft knock at the door. Taking a deep breath she went to answer it but realized, upon looking at the series of locks on the door, that she didn’t have any keys to open it.

“I think I am trapped,” she called out.  
“I’ve got keys,” came Diggle’s muffled voice.  
“Do I get a set?” she asked when he opened the door.  
“Of course,” he said, dropping a set into her outstretched hand.  
“I’ll be ready to go in one minute,” she called as she quickly ran to her bedroom in search of her purse and runners.

“Set?” Diggle asked when she returned.  
“Set. Will I be able to touch him?” she asked quietly, her eyes cast carefully down.  
“I think you might be able to do that.”

Satisfied, Felicity followed Diggle out of the apartment. The ride in the elevator down to the lobby took far longer than she remembered it taking in order to go up the night before. She had no idea what she was going to say to Oliver or even what she was going to feel but she was nervous.

Getting to the prison took close took over an hour which left her feeling stretched thin. This wasn’t going to be easy and the longer it took to get there, the worse she felt. Her anxiousness grew as she was cleared through security. She had to bite her tongue to stop herself from snapping at Diggle and the guards but breathed a sigh of relief when they gave her a visitor’s pass and ushered her through a series of locked gates.

Eventually, she was let into a small room that contained a table and two chairs. There was a camera in the corner near the ceiling but no window or mirror. It was airless and featureless and terrifying. This was their life now and for the first time, the permanence of it hit home. She sat down in the closest chair, holding onto the table so as to not pass out.

There was a click at the door and Oliver was ushered in. He blinked in the fluorescent lights and then focused on her. As the guards uncuffed him, they locked eyes and for Felicity, the rest of the room faded away. All she could see was him and the fresh bruises on his face but he looked defiant, like he was ready for whatever this place had to throw at him.

The guards quietly left the room. Whatever deal Diggle had been able to work for the next twenty minutes, they had the room to themselves with only the camera in the corner looking in. She wanted to launch herself into his arms, to feel his strength and just hold him one more time but she remained seated and silent.

Oliver, sensing correctly that she wasn’t ready to cross the small space between them, sat down opposite her and placed his hand, clasped tightly as though still cuffed, on the table in front of him. They continued to stare into each other’s eyes, she was searching for a glimmer of regret while he was searching for a hint of forgiveness but finding none.

“Felicity,” he started softly, “I...I…”  
“You what, Oliver?” she said stiffy, feeling rage, sorrow, love and fear battling within her.  
“Are you ok?”  
“What do you think?” she asked, tears welling up in her eyes, “I was forced from my home, OUR home, along with your son. We are isolated and surrounded by strangers. So, tell me, Oliver, how do you think we are doing?”

Oliver sat back, as though pushed, and all the air left his lungs in a solid rush. Then he blinked and looked away, defeat creeping into his expression. Felicity struggled to keep her composure as she watched him slowly shut down but he needed to hear this, how his decisions without her input were actively destroying her life.

“It’s not forever, Felicity, it is only until Diaz is stopped,” he said in a voice only a hair above a whisper, “Then you and William will be free to go back to Star City.”  
“Oliver, we shouldn’t be waiting to be free. You shouldn’t be in here. You should have included me in this decision from the moment you had the idea for it. You took everything from me, including yourself,” she said through clenched teeth, only the tiny waver in her voice betraying her anguish.

Swallowing hard, Oliver said quietly, “I did what I thought was right.”  
“I know. You did what you thought was right but you did it from that place in your mind that still lives on Lian Yu. You are no longer that man, you are no longer on that island,” she was beginning to seethe, he was going to need to see how angry she was before he relinquished the idea that he was in any way, shape or form correct, “When we got married, I told you my greatest fear. Do you remember that?”

Oliver nodded, remaining silent but his eyes betrayed the turmoil he was in, so she forged forward, unwilling to relent until she had said all she needed to say.

“You made that fear a reality, Oliver, you. Not Diaz, not the FBI, you,” she continued, “ALl you had to do was talk to me. Instead, you talked to everyone else. You gave them the respect that was owed me as your wife, as your partner. You apologised to everyone, you made amends with people who didn’t deserve it. What about me, Oliver? What about William?”  
“I knew you would talk me out of it, I couldn’t let that happen, Felicity,” he said softly, “I had to protect you and William.”  
“You had a duty to me as your wife to include me, Oliver. Six years. Six. Years. I waited for the chance to create a life with you and you unilaterally decided to end it,” the tears she had been holding at bay were threatening to fall but she continued, “You gave up any common ground between us when you went ahead and did this. How long is this going to last, Oliver? You must have a way out of it.”  
“This is it, Felicity, it’s the only way…”  
“STOP!” she snapped, “Just stop with that line, Oliver! You and I know both know, after six years together, that there is always another way. You took my freedom, Oliver. You took away my freedom as you gave up yours. And you did it without once truly considering how I would feel or what I would want.”

That final comment broke the wall he had built between them. His mouth began to move but no words came out. Finally, he leaned forward and placed his hands on the table. He was uncertain about what to do next and continued to wait for her to lead the way.

“William needs you, he needs his father. I need you,” she continued, “I love you, and I know you love us, so why would you deliberately rip my, OUR, lives apart?”  
“I told you I could handle losing my freedom but not you or WIlliam,” he said quietly.  
“Right. So in order to get what you wanted, you made us lose our freedom to keep you happy.”  
“It isn’t that simple, Felicity, and it isn’t forever.”  
“For us or you?” she asked, finally leaning forward a fraction of an inch.  
“For you. ARGUS and the FBI will get Diaz and you can go home,” he said softly, his eyes searching hers.  
“There is no home for me, Oliver, not without you,” she shook her head as she spoke, “We are a team, or we were, why wouldn’t you trust in the strength we bring to that partnership? Why wouldn’t you trust in me, in us or that I might be able to help?”

Gently and carefully, Oliver reached across the table and waited. She could see the way he was breathing, shallow and fast, and knew the panic he was feeling. His eyes were shining with tears and the colour was slowly leeching from his face. It was instinct for her to reach back, to reassure him that she was there with him, for him, but she held herself back because she had one thing left to say.

“Oliver, when I left our home last night, I knew that was it. That space can no longer be our home, my home,” she said, her voice faltering, “I can’t create a home without you, Oliver. I can’t even see tomorrow right now without you.”  
“Felicity...I…,” he dropped his eyes and began to withdraw his hands but she reached out and held them, stopping him from any further retreat.  
“Tell me this is going to be worth it, Oliver. Tell me that losing us is going to be worth it,” she whispered, tears slowly falling down her cheeks, “Tell me that this betrayal of who we are and everything we have built together is worth it.”  
“If you and William are safe and protected, Felicity, I have to believe it is. I have to believe that,” he whispered, grasping her hands between his own, “You know, better than anyone, what it would do to me if you or William were harmed in any way.”  
“I know,” she said mournfully, “But that is where the problem is, Oliver, you never thought about what it would do to William and I to lose you.”

They sat in silence, each holding onto the other in desperation and a longing that pushed through the anger and fear. Felicity looked at their hands and saw the space on his left ring finger and the void left from his missing wedding band. A small, strangled cry escaped her and she dropped her head to the table and wept.

Strong arms encircled her and she instinctively pushed back, trying to escape him. She was still so angry, so profoundly furious with him but under it all was still the love, the heartbreaking, life changing love that they shared. Oliver held fast, not allowing her to break the hold he had on her, and she could feel his body shaking as he joined her in silently weeping for all that was lost.

“I am so so so angry, Oliver,” she whispered, “I am so angry with you. But I just want you to come home. We can make a new one, together.”  
“I know, Felicity,” he whispered, “I want to come home. I close my eyes and I see you, I hear you but...this is it. I love you, I love you, I love you…”  
“I love you, Oliver, but that doesn’t change what you have done to us and our family. How am I going to explain this to William? We need you more than ever now,” she whispered in an agonized voice.  
“Diggle…”  
“I am angry with him, too, so maybe don’t suggest I talk with him,” she said quickly with heat.  
“He was only doing what he and I thought best, Felicity.”  
“Exactly, Oliver. What he and you thought best. Not once what I thought best. Not once what I thought,” she stressed quietly, “We transformed one another through love and trust. We fought for this life together, for each other, we have faced death and come out stronger than ever. But you took all of that and assumed I didn’t have the ability and right to make a decision about my future and life with you on my own.”  
“I didn’t know how else to do this, Felicity,” he said quietly, his forehead pressed into her own, “I couldn’t see any other way to keep you safe.”  
“You could have trusted me long enough to figure out a way. You didn’t. Oliver, I don’t know how to do this without you,” she whispered, “I can’t raise your son alone. I wanted to raise our children together, with William and you. I wanted to go on our honeymoon, I wanted to sleep in one morning with you, I wanted to celebrate our first anniversary, our tenth, our fiftieth...I wanted to grow old loving you, with you...you took all of that from me, from us. Unless that isn’t what you wanted?”

Oliver cupped her face, wiping her tears away with his thumbs, and shook his head, “That is all I have wanted since I met you. That is all I will ever want. I love you, Felicity, and I am so sorry for all of this,” he murmured, staring into her eyes.  
“I know,” she said, “I’m going to find a way to get you home.”  
“I know,” he said with a weak smile, “I was counting on it.”

Felicity looked at Oliver, at the weariness that clung to his skin but she felt the love radiating out of him. It searched her out and pulled her in. He was her universe and it would take more than this to pry him from her heart. He was her home, her heart, and soul mate.

“I don’t know how long we have or if this is ok but I am going to kiss you,” she said softly, “but don’t think I am done being angry with you.”  
“Felicity Smoak, I cannot tell you how happy I am that you are not done being angry with me,” he smiled as she leaned in to kiss him.

Her heart seized in her chest as the anger temporarily gave way to the sorrow that was fueling it. Her life, so radically changed by this man, was never not hers to control. She just needed to figure out what her new landscape looked like from this day forward and how to get her husband, her stubborn, single minded husband, out of Supermax.

“We’ll survive this, won’t we?” he asked, his face nuzzled into her hair.  
“We’ve survived far worse,” she said quietly, her eyes closed.  
“Tell William…,” his voice cracked and she felt how his arms tightened around her as he fell silent.  
“I will, Oliver, I will,” she knew were his heart was going and saved him the pain of saying it.

She felt his lips on her neck, cheeks and heard his voice murmuring in her ear. Nothing else mattered except that they were still able to touch one another. After what felt like hours, he reclaimed her lips just as a key slid into the lock of the door. They instantly pulled apart and she saw his eyes, wild and unfocused, and tried to control the wail that was building in her throat. She needed to keep it together, if she let it all out, she would never be allowed in to see him again.

“It’s ok, love,” she whispered as she kissed him one last time, “We will see each other again.”

The guards stood behind Oliver as he patiently waited for them to cuff him but he refused to turn around in order to walk out of the small room. He stepped backwards, his eyes locked onto hers, until the door was firmly closed between them with a soft click.

And then he was gone.

Felicity sat with her hands tightly clasped in her lap and waited. Her entire body was shaking as she processed the last ten minutes. He had listened to her anger and she thought maybe he understood why she was so angry. Next, she needed to tell Diggle but that could wait until tomorrow. Right now, she just wanted someone to come get her so that she could go back to the strange new apartment and cry herself to sleep yet again.

Eventually, the door re-opened and a guard beckoned for her to follow him out. The walk out of the secure area took far shorter than it took to walk through to Oliver. Diggle was waiting for her on the other side of the last locked door. He didn’t say a word to her, instead, he placed a firm hand in the centre of her back and lent her the strength she needed to walk to the waiting van.

There were quiet conversations taking place all around her but she allowed the fog that kept her mind and heart protected to flow around her. Distantly, she heard her name being softly called and pulled her attention back to where she was at the moment.

“Felicity?” Diggle called gently, “Do you want William to be moved into the apartment tonight or do you want to wait until tomorrow morning?”  
“He is still with Raisa?” she asked.  
“Yes, they are together and doing ok.”  
“Then tomorrow. I...I need…,” she stuttered, unable to finish her thought.  
“Ok, I’ll take care of it,” he reassured her, his hand over hers.

Felicity nodded, not able to form words or trust her voice. Leaning back, she closed her eyes and felt tears slowly trickle down her face. Diggle held her hand the entire trip back to wherever it was she now lived and though she was still angry with him, the reassurance from one of her closest friends kept her tethered to this world.

She let her thoughts drift, summoning up his image in her mind’s eye. The shape of his face, the way his lips felt on hers, the colour of his eyes. She could still smell him on her hands and skin. The force of their separation was reverberating in every cell of her body. Time was speeding up and slowing down. There was only one goal now and that was freeing Oliver.

Slowly but surely, a growing sense of conviction was developing in her. They might be able to force her to leave her home behind, but they couldn’t stop her from searching for a way to free Oliver and reclaim their lives. As they arrived at her new apartment, she silently promised Oliver and William that she would find a way to change this situation and bring him home.  
Later that night, as she slept in her new bed, she dreamed of a night in Bali where she and Oliver spent the night in the outdoor bedroom by their villa’s pool. The day had been intensely hot and they had welcomed the cool evening breeze as they watched the sun set. She had never seen the shades of pink and orange that blazed across the sky. It was like the sun was setting the ocean on fire.

Oliver had distracted her by diving into the pool completely naked. His body was sculpted and tanned to a golden brown from swimming in the ocean and lying out with her by the pool. He looked relaxed and happy as they made their way, aimlessly and quietly, through the hot days. Yet in the fiery light, he looked as soft as stone, as yielding as steel.

She had made her way into the pool, shedding articles of clothing as she did, until she was able to wade out to meet him. Not a single word was exchanged between them as they flowed into each other’s embrace. She had let her hands travel the length of his body, feeling every muscle as they jumped to life under her firm touch. Before long, his cock began to twitch against her, growing steadily harder as she kissed him, sucking on his tongue and lower lip with intensity and passion.

With her legs wrapped around his waist, he had gripped her ass and walked them out of the pool. The air instantly cooled their bodies and dried them off. Bali, though humid, seemed to make fast work of any dampness on their skin. The frangipani bushes were releasing their scent into the warm night air and the sounds of songbirds coming home to roost surrounded them.

Felicity dreamed of the wa his cock felt sliding into her. Of the way it felt to be in his arms while he found a rhythm for them to follow. She loved it when he make love to her like that, from a place of tender control. He never pushed her too far but if she gave him the space to do it, he could shatter her heart and soul with each thrust or the way he would suck her clit with his fingers inside her.

On that night, he had rested his weight between her legs and made love to her like she as the a sacred being. She had clung to him, letting herself climax over and over again, until she begged him to stop. Her legs were trembling as she finally squeezed down around him, feeling his cock swell and throb inside her, and she let her orgasm shatter his control.

The scene shifted and they were in Positano, dining on a rooftop overlooking the Amalfi Coast. Out of every night, every touch, this was the one night that stood out for her. They had danced under the moonlight until the heat between them had caused them to stumble back to their villa, their desire for each other barely contained. That night, he has been the gentlest he had ever been with her and had claimed her body and soul, inch by inch, until all she could do was hold on while he held her as she came over and over again.

In her dream, she felt his tongue slowly circle her clit, his breath on the inside of her thighs, his hands on her breasts, his fingers and cock moving inside her. She felt the breeze, cool as it blew in from over the Tyrrhenian Sea, and the way their breathing fell into sync. That night had seemed endless and it filled her heart with the kind of love she had thought only possible in fairy tales. They had breathed new life into each other and greeted the dawn with words of love and ecstasy flowing out of them.

When she woke up the next morning, she felt a renewed sense of purpose. The reservoir of rage and anger she had been sailing across still existed but was slowly giving way to the more complicated emotions of love, loyalty and respect. She was still angry but she wasn’t willing to abandon Oliver. She understood him, better than anyone, which is why she knew his motivations were true to who he was. She might not be willing to forgive him yet, but she was willing to try to find a way to free him, no matter what.

But right now she had to be up and ready to greet William for when he arrived. He was bound to be confused and scared and needing more than she had to offer. His father had abandoned him with a woman he barely knew but she needed to be something of a parent to him because the days ahead were not going to be easy. With a deep sigh, she got up and made her way to the bathroom to start her day.


End file.
